In the silence of our hearts God speaks and we listen – Mother Teresa
It was, eleven-eleven-eleventy-eleven,as I now playfully refer to it (11th November 2011). A memorable day,unforgetable, life changing, call it whatever you may!
03.00 am. Woken up by a persistant pain in the chest, left arm cramp, profuse sweating, trembling (both from fear and substance abuse). Praying…
Stella and George (my wife and son) were asleep. I got out of bed quietly, had a sip of water. Waited. The pain continued. Left the house and began walking in the yard, smoking, praying. No relief.
06.00am A five minute walk to the road and took a tuk-tuk (for those who don’t know,one of those trhree wheelers you see in most Asian countries) to Apollo Hospital about 2kms away. Stella accompanied me. At the ER, was put on life support and hooked up to all those
tubes and wires, monitors and dials. Four days of this, and then the angiogram.
How many of you have had the opportunity of seeing your own heart? I am one of
the few, To me this didn’t seem even close to what I was taught (in the text
book illustrations) or had imagined. This could not be. But it was!!
15th Nov. 09.00 Taken to the theatre for the angio. With the medication I was much better and was awake and keenly aware of the goings-on.The surgeon attending with his team, all masked and cloaked, the four or six 32” flat screen monitors, this large kind of ‘joy-stick’ the hushed tones,voices all seemed like a scene straight out of one of those science fiction
movies. The doctor was talking to me, briefing me on what they were about to
do, seemed distant, I was in a world of my own. A world of peace,quiet,(mind no
more in over drive) contented just being there. For some strange reason there
was no worry or concern or fear of what was happening, just a deep contentment!
They began the procedure and I watched, barely heard the doctors commentary, I
was transported into the fascinating yet very real world of my own HEART
Beeps! Blurps! Whirrs, a green line wormed its way across the screen, and the drone of the doctors voice was like a lullaby in the back ground, but I was’nt going to sleep, not now. Deep down in my being I knew there was something about to happen and ‘I’ wanted to be awake and fully aware of it.
55 years, ignored, abused, taken for granted, never consulted always left out, this organ now took on a life of its own in this theatre. Talking as never before, my heart now spoke (not a single accusation) and related to me the most profound love story, quietly,whispered, to me and for me alone. The pictures filling the screens around me only served to enliven and enhance the beauty of the narration. All that I saw was contradictory to what I was taught, there were mountains, hills, valleys,trees, rivers, streams, the seas, waves roaring silently, crashing on the shores, winds, sometimes reaching gale speeds, the flats the velds the all. The entire universe was reaveling herself in the most profound, inexpressable way,and I watched, enfolded in her beauty and wisdom, far too profound to express.Instantly I knew “In the silence of our heart God speaks and we listen”
I knew at that moment all was gone,taken away, washed away by that ocean of Love, never to return,‘as far as east is from the west’ without any aversion or attachment all the binging, boozing and smoking was gone!!
For forty years I had tried umpteen times with no success. The best part is that most of the times I tried the withdrawl symptoms were so severe that doctors advised me not to let go all at once but gradually and that never happens until “In the silence of our heart God speaks and we listen”
I was discharged on the 16thNov 2011, and the discharge summary is proof of a miracle.
Liver: normal size/function
Kidneys: normal size/function, and all the other organs read the same.!!
This is the first time that I have had an opportunity to bear witness to the overwhelming power of the Word made flesh that dwells among us today, now.
If you could share this with your friends, especially those with addictions, who I pray for constantly, then my witness (or should I say His) will bear its fruit in each and everyone’s life
in due season of that I am a witness and living proof! For it is still “In the silence of our heart God speaks and we listen”.
Apology: I couldn’t place a copy of the graphic angiogram CD on file the app would,nt allow.
- Ivan Kamenev
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